What July Knew by Emily Koch

Author:Emily Koch [Koch, Emily]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781473561403
Published: 2023-01-25T16:00:00+00:00

20

26 July 1995

July could just make out her father, lurking in the shadows of the corner of her bedroom, shoulder against the wardrobe. She blinked a few times as her eyes adjusted to the low light. He was wrapping his right hand with one of the long cotton straps he wore underneath his boxing gloves for bouts with his pear tree punchbag; the strap glowed white in the darkness. Loop on to the thumb; around his wrist three times; spread fingers; around the knuckles three times. She had watched him do this on hundreds of occasions.

‘You’re back early.’ His van hadn’t been in the driveway, and she hadn’t been expecting him home. She forced a smile to her lips, but he wasn’t looking at her to see it. He was standing right next to her reading den, and she longed to push past him and climb inside, closing the door behind her. She felt comforted by her mother whenever she sat in there, because of Number 11 on the List of Mum. One of the rare, perfectly shiny buttons of memory Yaya had slipped her had been a description of July’s mother, aged eight, getting caught in the middle of the night reading by torchlight in the wardrobe of her childhood bedroom – all the clothes tossed on to the floor and replaced by cushions and blankets.

July scratched a clean white line through the dirt on her arm and asked, ‘Have you been at the Big House today?’

‘Aren’t you happy to see me?’

‘Of course.’

‘Left my van at the garage and walked home, didn’t I? Thought I’d surprise you girls, take you for a walk to get an ice cream. Imagine my surprise when you weren’t here.’

She’d missed out on an ice cream? July’s heart sank. She’d messed up.

‘What have you lost?’ He looked towards her drawer, binding his thumb and then passing the strap through each of his fingers. Was he the one who had taken her photos?

‘I thought maybe Sylv had borrowed some of my clothes,’ she said. Immediately, her mother appeared by her chest of drawers, another shadow in the gloom. It felt good to have her there, next to her. What happened to you, Mum? Why weren’t you happy with Daddy? She heard Yaya’s words, from earlier: ‘He could have prevented it.’

July had a million questions for each of them. She followed the movement of her father’s hands as he switched to wrapping his left wrist, afraid to continue to watch his face in case she wasn’t able to stop herself asking. Why didn’t you tell me that Mum died the day I was born? What happened?

‘Hm,’ her father said, apparently satisfied by her excuse. As he threaded the strap between each finger of his left hand, he paused. She felt his eyes on her. ‘Where’ve you been, without your sister?’

‘For a bike ride. I thought it—’

‘Shelley won’t be happy.’

‘Please. Don’t tell her. I won’t go on my own again.’

‘And what have you done with your hair? It doesn’t suit you.

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